One of thing we point out in the “heuristics” section of our book, for instance, is that Jesus was an incredibly good listener. He asked questions. He genuinely cared about peoples’ situations, and he took the time to understand them on their level – whether they were rich or poor, content or in crisis. Often, before he ever preached to the people around him, he spent time with them, healed them, and heard their stories.

In communicating with someone experiencing this type of emotional crisis, you may have to walk through a sequence of pathos, ethos, and logos, rather than simply seeking to start with logic or engage all three at once.

Perhaps by listening to people on whatever level they’re on and communicating that you understand their emotions, situation, and pain you can build credibility with them which can lead to calmer and more logical discussions. In our chapter on pathos, we talk a lot about finding shared values and experiences that allow you to better identify with others – something that might be incredibly useful in the situation you describe. If the women then learn to trust and identify with you, they might be more willing to engage on a rational level. But that trust may only be achievable if you can first connect with them on an emotional level. I think that when you do this for the right reasons, it’s empathy not manipulation. Of course, I’m sure you know better than either of us the kind of patience and persistence it can entail.