Christian Book Notes

I recently reviewed Dr. Smalley’s latest release, 4 Days to a Forever Marriage. He was kind enough to answer a couple questions as well as shed some light on a concern I had as a reader. Below, you will find the short, but informational, interview.

Purchase more of Dr. Smalley’s resources at Amazon.

Interview

Christian Book Notes: Four Days to a Forever Marriage seems like a very lofty goal not too mention title, why only four days and what is it about the specific principles in the book that makes these the principles necessary for a forever marriage?

Dr. Gary Smalley: Over the last two years I’ve been doing a lot of research on what does it take to really sustain change in a person’s life. During my research, I came upon Dr. Caroline Leaf who is one of the top neuroscientists in the world. She has a book called, Who Switched Off My Brain, and she shares how a person can see major changes in behavior in as little as four days. But, the changes come faster with the increase in emotion and commitment.

For a couple that may be struggling in their relationship or a spouse who just wants to become a better husband or wife will find by committing to the Four Days outlined in the book a significant increase in marital satisfaction.

Why these principles? In my forty plus years of research, interviewing, and helping couples I’ve found these four principles to be foundational to a happy, fulfilling relationship. In fact, just getting Day One down will lead to a better marriage.

Christian Book Notes: You say on p. 12 that Honor is “the central theme of [your] message. It’s the single most important key to healthy, successful relationships.” Where does the gospel fit into your message if honor is your “central theme”?

Dr. Gary Smalley: The single greatest trait to healthy relationships is Honor. Romans 12:10 “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love, Honor one another above yourselves.” During biblical times, the word “honor” carried a literal meaning that has been all but lost by translation and time. For a Greek living in Christ’s day, something of “honor” called to mind something “heavy or weighty.” Gold, for example, was the perfect picture of “honor” because it was heavy and valuable at the same time. So when we honor people we’re saying in effect that who they are carries great weight with us.

Just think for those of us who make up the body of believers along with the angels will one day sing, “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power … wisdom … honor … glory … praise” (Rev. 5:12). Honoring God means to recognize that nothing on earth or in heaven is as valuable, as weighty, as significant as He.

How does honor specifically apply to the gospel? If Jesus Christ is truly in a place of honor in our hearts we will view “people” as valuable as well (greatest commandment). The greatest honor we can give to people is to share the love of Jesus Christ!

 A Conversation

The third question I asked was, “On p. 31 your wife writes, “In the Bible, the Book of Genesis says God made the wife to be her husband’s completer–to give him strengths and insights he didn’t have on his own.” Assuming this is a reference to Genesis 2:20, what translation renders that particular word as “completer” instead of helper or companion? Also, the implication of a wife being a completer to give the man “strengths and insights he didn’t have on his own” seems to speak against men remaining single. Furthermore, it seems to imply that women are the more complete of the two sexes. Could you address these?”

The response I received from the publicist was, “…you did in fact point out an error in the book, and for that we’re thankful! We will correct this error in the next printing. For that reason Gary did not supply an answer to that question.

I am alright with this response and I praise the Lord that both the publicist (see, publishing company) and the author were willing to admit an error.  As for implications to be drawn, well, that is not the scope of this website.  I will say, however, that in my personal experience, many marriages have been destroyed by a misunderstanding of this particular passage (Gen. 2:20) and the application(s) that are an outgrowth of that misunderstanding.