What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp
Tripp, Paul David. What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage. Wheaton: Crossway Books, 2010. 290 pp. $21.99. Purchase at Westminster for $14.73.
Audio book
Narrated by Lloyd James. Esconido: christianaudio. 10.75 hours. Download – $14.98, CD – $24.98.
Introduction
I will allow Dr. Tripp to provide the introduction for this book:
You can also listen to Dr. Tripp on a recent FamilyLife Today broadcast series talking about this book.
Summary
Dr. Tripp reshapes the expectations of marriage with six commitments. They are as follows:
- We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness.
- We will make growth and change our daily agenda.
- We will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust.
- We will commit to building a relationship of love.
- We will deal with our differences with appreciation and grace.
- We will work to protect our marriage.
You will note that the operative phrase is “we will.” Marriage is not all give or all take. Marriage is when two sinners say “I do.” Those two sinners must now figure out how they are going to live together in a God glorifying marriage.
Review
The content of What Did You Expect is dead on. Tripp is God-centered, Christ-exalting, and very real when it comes to dealing with the marital strife. With the entire book set up as a marriage counseling session. Each “session” points the person being counseled (the reader) as the problem in the marriage. Dr. Tripp continually points to “you” as the problem. It is easy for the counselor to tell the counselee that s/he is not at fault thus really making the problem worse.
Fortunately, Tripp nails this. By taking the focus off of the problems of the spouse, and, rightfully I might add, onto the person reading the book, Tripp effectively breaks down many barriers to counseling. After showing the reader that he is the cause of the problem, Dr. Tripp points him to Christ. That is the most important aspect of this book–Jesus Christ needs to be at the center of your marriage. Without Him, your marriage is in more trouble than you realize.
I do have one minor problem with the book (besides being aggravated that it was not written before I got married!) although it is very minor given the scope of the book. At the end of chapter 3, Tripp writes,
Reconciling your marriage begins when you begin to reconcile with God. It begins when you begin to pray this radical prayer: ‘Your kingdom come, you will be done, right here, right now in this marriage as it is in heaven.’ Good things happen as the result of that prayer!
My only concern is that this prayer might become a “magic” prayer causing the reader to become delusional thinking that just by merely reading it or saying it or repeating it, his marriage will be saved. I completely understand that Dr. Tripp does not intend for that to happen, but people have been putting their hope in prayers instead of Christ for so long that this must be cautioned against.
Audio Review
It was the best of the times and it was the worst times.
Lloyd James (not to be confused with Lloyd-Jones) became my favorite narrator with this book. He read this book quick enough to keep your attention but slow enough to allow the words to really sink in to your mind and then heart. His voice rose and fell when necessary and sped up with excitement when the context called for it. I was engaged with the “voice” the entire time and felt as though I was sitting in the counselor’s room.
With that said, christianaudio needs to reformat the audio files. In most cases, they format their downloaded files with the numbers as such: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, …20, 21, 22. This can become problematic when you download the files to your mp3 player. The mp3 player recognizes the order as such: 1, 10, 11, 12,….2, 20, 21, 22, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. You can see how this can be aggravating but not horrible to deal with.
This time, however, they formatted the files as such: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven….seventeen. It became a real pain to attempt to listen to the book since “eight” was the first file and one came towards the bottom. Having to search for those files almost caused me not to listen to the book. Thankfully, the content and narration was worth the effort. If you are going to purchase the audio book, I would advise getting the CD’s instead of the download. Still, the book is worth the struggle.
Recommendation
As I stated above, I really wish this book was available when I got married in 2002. Reading this book helped me to see some of my own problems. Now, my wife is wanting to read it. This book needs to be in every pastor’s library. If you plan on getting married, read this book. If you are already married, read this book…together. You can purchase the CD audio or the DVD presentation of the seminar as well as 10-packs of books at greatly reduced prices. Do so.



















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